Saturday, September 29, 2007

See If You Can Figure Out

What These Words Have In Common...... .


Banana

Dresser

Grammar

Potato

Revive

Uneven

Voodoo

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OK... Here You Go... Hope You Didn't Cheat.




This Is Cool.

SCROLL DOWN

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Answer:

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter,
place it at the end of the word, and then spell the
word backwards, it will be the same word.

Did you figure it out?

Big John does not pay

A puny bus driver pulled up at a stop, and a giant of a man got in, "Big John does not pay", he thundered, the bus driven did not want to argue with a man of that size, so he kept quiet.

Next day, the same thing happened, the giant got in "Big John does not pay" he thundered. This went on for about 7 days.

The bus driver by now was starting to resent this, and he did not want to take it lying down, so he joined a Gym, and started an intensive course in body building, after 3 weeks, and with big bulging muscles, he pulled up at the stop, the giant got in saying " Big John does not pay".

The driver rose up and showing his muscles said " OH yeah " and why does Big JOhn does not pay " he shouted.

The giant reached inside his pocket, the driver feared for the worse, the giant said " because Big John has bus pass" showing his bus pass to the driver.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Photographer

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.

"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"

The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

Lawyer Jokes

This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and is things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.



ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8 th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?



______________________________________
And the best for last:
______________________________________


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

How men get into trouble !!!

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, " Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe? " the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.

"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

******

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.

"Is this your wife? " the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord.. It is a misunderstanding.

You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta Jones. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.

Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez ."

******

The Bath Tub Test

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.


************ **


During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.


"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."


" No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window? "


************ **


DID YOU PASS, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE ????????

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Funny job application

I came across this joke while surfing (wilfing). It is funny. Take a look...

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Mc Donalds Job Application

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It s#cked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Value of Time

Here is a good Powerpoint presentation shared by a friend. He is currently an Inspector General of Police. Very good. Take a look...

What did the chicken do?

So there's this man with a parrot.

And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.

The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.

For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.

Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Friday, September 21, 2007

School ahead!!

TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Marriage counselling

A married couple is having problems so they go to counseling.

They sit down with the specialist and the wife points out the numerous problems with their marriage.

After about 10 minutes, the specialist gets up, walks over to the wife and kisses her passionately.

Then he tells the husband “now sir, if this happens 3 times a week your wife will feel much better about herself and your relationship.”

The man says; “well I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but I go out drinking on Fridays.”

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Mom's a cook

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Intelligent Farmer

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.


He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.


Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.


Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.


The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.


The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Restore your monitor's brightness

Have you noticed sometimes that your computer monitor, is not as clear as it was when new? Well, that's because electrostatic charges cause micro-etching on the interior surface of the glass which can degrade the picture quality.

As a result you end up straining your vision and visual acuity can suffer.. BUT..............
GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to MICROSOFT this process is REVERSIBLE thanks to a brand new JUST INTRODUCED PROGRAM that 'cleans' the inside of the screen!!!!!!

The process takes LESS THAN 30 SECONDS, and the difference is IMMEDIATELY NOTICEABLE!!!!!


By scrolling down to the bottom of this E-mail, the embedded program will clean your computer screen.


SCROLL DOWN.......







SCREEN CLEANER



OK. Your screen is clean.

Now send it on to someone else so theirs can be cleaned also .
__._,_.___

Alarmed, concerned and frustrated

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in
sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one
of the main computers, he dialed the

employee's home phone number and
was greeted with a child's whisper.


"Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk
with an adult, the boss asked,


"Is your Mummy there?"


"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with
whom he could leave a message,
the boss
asked,

"Is anybody else there?"


"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing
at his employee's home, the boss

asked,

"May I speak with the policeman?"


"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and
the Fireman,"
came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard
what sounded like a helicopter

through the earpiece on the phone,
the boss asked,


"What is that noise?"


"A hello-copper" answered
the whispering voice.


"What is going on there?" demanded
the boss, now truly apprehensive.


Again, whispering, the child answered,

"The search team just landed the hello-copper. "


Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked,

"What are they searching for?"


Still whispering, the young voice
replied with a muffled giggle:

"ME."

Saturday, September 15, 2007

MP's salary!!!

A friend sent me this message. I found it interesting enough to share it with you here. Take a look...



Have a look at this

Salary & Govt. Concessions for a Member of Parliament (MP)


Monthly Salary : 12,000

Expense for Constitution per month : 10,000

Office expenditure per month : 14,000

Traveling concession (Rs. 8 per km) : 48,000 ( eg.For a visit from kerala to Delhi & return: 6000 km)

Daily DA TA during parliament meets : 500/day


Charge for 1 class (A/C) in train: Free (For any number of times)
(All over India )


Charge for Business Class in flights : Free for 40 trips / year (With wife or P.A.)


Rent for MP hostel at Delhi : Free


Electricity costs at home : Free up to 50,000 units


Local phone call charge : Free up to 1 ,70,000 calls.


TOTAL expense for a MP [having no qualification] per year : 32,00,000 [i.e. 2.66 lakh/month]


TOTAL expense for 5 years : 1,60,00,000

For 534 MPs, the expense for 5 years :
8,54,40,00,000 (nearly 855 crores)


AND THE PRIME MINISTER IS ASKING THE HIGHLY QUALIFIED, OUT PERFORMING CEOs TO CUT DOWN THEIR SALARIES.....


This is how all our tax money is been swallowed and price hike on our regular commodities.......
855 crores could make their life livable !!
Think of the great democracy we have.............
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO ALL REAL CITIZENS OF INDIA ..
but,
STILL Proud to be INDIAN !!!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Clever prisoner

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

ICICI Bank Duplicate Site -- Warning

Hi,

I just a received a mail from a friend cautioning about a phishing site on ICICI Bank. Take a look. Those of who have an ICICI Bank account, be careful with this duplicate site.

DUPLICATE SITE


Genuine Site

Hi All,


An important piece of information.

Surprising both the sites have secured SSL from Verisign !!!!
beware !!

This is one of the worst phishing scam ever seen.
Here are the both the URLs, they are same, except there is a space (%20) at the end of the phishing URL.

The wrong one

https://infinity.icicibank.co.in/BANKAWAY?Action.RetUser.Init.001=Y&AppSignonBankId=ICI&AppType=corporate&abrdPrf=N%20

Actual ICICI Site
https://infinity.icicibank.co.in/BANKAWAY?Action.RetUser.Init.001=Y&AppSignonBankId=ICI&AppType=corporate&abrdPrf=N

PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS

Student vs. Professor


After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Lenses with ears?

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called Plexus Communications. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him.

The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. At the end of the interview, Merv asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" And the gentleman answered, "Why yes, I couldn't help but notice you have no ears." Merv got very angry and threw him out.

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" and she replied: "Well, you have no ears." Merv again was upset and tossed her out.

The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Merv was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" And to his surprise, the young man answered: "Yes. You wear contact lenses."

Merv was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?"

The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!"

Monday, September 10, 2007

Can Krishna pull it off?

I had a hearty laugh on reading this mail from a friend:

Read on...

Hey Krishna tu is kalyug mein aa kar to dikha..


Tune 18 saal ki umar me mama kans ko mara,
BIN LADEN ko hath laga kar to dikha..


Tune Arjun ko to Saari Geeta sunayee,
Mere Project Manager se ek baar baat kar ke to dikha. .


Tune to Arjun ka Sarathi banke Pandavon ko jitaaya
Indian Cricket team ka Coach ban ke WorldCup jitaake to dikha..


Tune bhari mehfil mein draupadi ko saree pehnai,
Mallika sherawat ko ek jodi kapde pehna ke to dikha..


Tune gokul ki 1600 gopiyan patai,
Meri company ki sirf ek ladki ko pata kar to dikha..


Hey Krishna tu is kalyug mein aa kar to dikha..

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Tibetan Personality Test




TIBETAN PERSONALITY TEST





Take your time with this test and you will be amazed.





The Dalai Lama suggests you read it to see if it works for you.

Very Interesting.





Just 4 questions

and the answers will surprise you.





Be honest and do not cheat by looking up the answers.

The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened.

This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely.

Do not cheat.

Warning ! !





MAKE A WISH

BEFORE BEGINNING THE TEST!





Answer the questions as you go along.

There are only 4 questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results.

A warning!





Go down slowly, and complete each exercise as you scroll down.





Don't look ahead.

Get pencil and paper to write our answers as you go along.





You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you a lot about your true self.

Give an answer for each item.

The first thing that comes to mind is usually your best answer.

Remember – no one sees this but you.





(1) Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference:

Cow, Tiger, Sheep, Horse, Pig





(2) Write one word that describes each one of the following:

Dog, Cat, Rat, Coffee, Sea.





(3) Think of someone, who also knows you and is important to you, which you can relate them to the following colors.

Do not repeat your answer twice.

Name just one person for each color:

Yellow, Orange, Red, White, Green.





(4) Finally, write down your favorite number, and your favorite day of the week.





Please be sure that your answers are what you

REALLY WANT.

FINISHED?





Look at the interpretations below:

But first before continuing,

REPEAT your wish.





ANSWERS:





This will define your priorities in your life.

Cow Signifies CAREER


Tiger Signifies PRIDE


Sheep Signifies LOVE


Horse Signifies FAMILY


Pig Signifies MONEY

(1)





Your description of dog implies your own personality.

Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner.

Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies.

Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex.

Your description of the sea implies your own life.

(2)





Yellow: Someone you will never forget

Orange: Someone you consider your true friend

Red: Someone that you really love

White: Your twin soul

Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life

(3)





You have to send this message to as many persons as your favorite number and your wish will come true on the day that you recorded.

This is what the Dalai Lama has said about the Millennium - just take a few seconds ! to look it up, read it and think.

(4)





Do not put away this message, the mantra will come out from your hands in the next 96 hours. You will have a very pleasant surprise.





This is true, even if you are not superstitious. Please do this. It is fascinating.

SEND THIS E- MAIL MANTRA TO AT LEAST FIVE PERSONS AND YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE.





0-4 persons: Your life will improve slightly

5-9 persons: Your life will improve to your liking

9-14 persons: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next three weeks

15 or more persons: Your life will improve drastically and all that you wish will come true

PS: The fact that I have put it on my blog, which has a daily readership of more than 15 should result in my life improving dramatically and my wish should come true in the next 96 hours. Let me see. Surely, I will let you all guys know about it, if it turns out to be true.

Meanest dog

Uncle Sam and Osama decided to settle the whole war with a dogfight.

They would each have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog and whoever's dog won would dominate the world.

Osama found the meanest Doberman females in the world and bred them with the meanest wolves.

They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter.

After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog ever.

When the day came for the big dogfight, Uncle Sam showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9-foot long Dachshund.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over toward Osama's dog.

Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dog--but when it got close to the American dog, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and ate Osama's dog whole.

Osama said, “We don't understand how this could have happened, we had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest dogs and the meanest wolves.

“Uncle Sam said, “That’s nothing, we had our best plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."

Quick Wit

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.


"But officer." the man began, "I can explain,".


"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."


"But officer, I just wanted to say...."


"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"


A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."


"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

A crowbar from Sears

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor.

The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."

So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves.

The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned.

Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!!

The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.

Taking it out on the mother in law

One day a man found an odd-looking lamp and rubbed it. From inside came a genie that told him he would get three wishes, but whatever he wishes for, his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
"What would you like for your first wish?" asked the genie.

"I want one billion dollars," replies the man.

"Remember," says the genie, "your mother-in-law gets double of what you get."

"I know," replied the man.

The man then chooses his second wish, "I wish I had a brand new sports car." So he gets his second wish and he's very content.

"Your mother-in-law gets double what you get, now what would you like for your third wish?" asks the genie.

The man ponders for a moment, then answers, "I wish to be beaten half to death."

Planting Trees...

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.

The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.

He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"

The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

Monday, September 3, 2007

NarayanaMurthy's views on staying late in the office

An interesting mail that I just received. Read on.

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It's half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on...

PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing...

and who's at work? Most of them??? Take a closer look...

All or most specimens are ??-something male species of the human race...

Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors...

and why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!

Any guesses???

Let's ask one of them...

Here's what he says... "What's there 2 do after going home... here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee.. that is why I am working late... importantly no bossssssss!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the scene in most research centers and software companies and other off-shore offices.
Bachelors "time-passing" during late hours in the office just bcoz they say they've nothing else to do...
Now what r the consequences... read on...

"Working"(for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute or company culture.
With bosses more than eager to provide support to those "working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback,(oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!).They aren't helping things too... To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between "sitting" late and "working" late!!!

Very soon, the boss start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours.
So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family... office is no longer a priority, family is... and that's when the problem starts... becoz u start having commitments at home too.

For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become a "early leaver" even if u leave an hour after regular time... after doing the same amount of work.

People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labeled as work-shirkers...

Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labeled as "not up to it". All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on "working" not realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realize that they wuld have to regret at one point of time.

*So what's the moral of the story?? *

* Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!

* Never put in extra time " *unless really needed *"

* Don't stay back un-necessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues. There are hundred other things to do in the evening..

Learn music...
Learn a foreign language...
try a sport... TT, cricket.........

importantly Get a girl friend or gal friend, take him/her around town(moral of d story) ...

* And for heaven's sake net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low (plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.

Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: *"Life's calling, where are you??"*

Please pass on this message to all those colleagues And please do it before leaving time, don't stay back till midnight to forward this!!!

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Sure, it's hot in here!

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

Intelligent Soldier

By the time the soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken.

"You've got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded with a proprietor.

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy" admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.

" No problem." the tired Army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed.

"How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.

"Never better", said the soldier. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?" "No, I shut him up in no time", explained the soldier.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the proprietor.

"Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek" explained the soldier. “Then, I whispered in his ear 'Good night beautiful', and he sat up all night watching me."